New Phyrexia Spoiler Review

Let’s preface this by saying that I know crap about constructed environments, so any opinions I might have on the playability of these cards in such formats is a stab in the dark. That being said I’m more interested in the overall design of the cards, whether they excite me or not. For people who know me, they know the one thing I like to harp on about is the design of cards – which cards I think are brilliant additions to the game (Baneslayer Angel, Summoning Trap, Day of Judgement) and which I think are some of the most boneheaded mistakes to ever see print (Cryptic Command, Bitterblossom, the Titan cycle, etc). Elegance in card design should be rewarded, while I think Mark Rosewater should be held down and flogged everytime something like Moonlace sees print.

So, with our flogs at the ready, let’s skim through those New Phyrexia Spoilers, shall we?

Warning: WordPress kind of sucks at formatting this kind of article. I may fix it up later…

Chancellor of the Furnace

Well, it’s a big dumb rare. Except here there’s the odd addition of it having some serious early game relevance. The Chancellors seem to be like creatures which occasionally act like Leylines, which is very interesting. That being said I’m not a fan of this card, as it seems to simply fufill Timmy’s desire for big dumb creatures for his weird Goblin deck. The mana cost is simply too high for this to have any relevance in a Goblin deck, and 5/5 don’t beat through Titans.

Basically, the Titans make any giant drop with stats less than 6/6 pretty much negligable. Even Consecrated Sphinx doesn’t see play, and that’s a tragedy. Why the Titans are getting reprinted in M12? Who knows…

Chancellor of the Dross

See, now this I almost like. The ability is very strong, and though the mana cost is obscene it at least fights Titans, and flying Lifelinkers are obviously sweet.  But, is it really more powerful than Grave Titan? Again, the Titans were a horrible design decision, as they’re the goto big creature in every deck – so this guy has a bit of an uphill battle, especially with the Vampire tribe cycling out eventually.

Praetor’s Grip

I can’t figure this one out. My call is that it will start off as a money rare and quickly dip in value when people realize three cost sorcery speed tutoring from someone else’s deck is iffy at best. Good sideboard tech though. I kind of like the combination Memoricide / Demonic Tutor design space, and hope to see more along these lines.

Urabrask, the Hidden

I do really like the design of this guy. Very obvious synergy with the abilities, my guys are fast, your guys are slow. The real problem seems to be the body. What 4/4s are getting played? I see no Molten-Tail Masticore, no Thrun, maybe some Obstinate Baloth out of sideboards. His abilities could be good enough, but he’s got two things working against him by being Legendary and by costing 5 mana. I’d of liked to see a four mana 3/4 myself.

Phyresis Curse

So… it kills guys slowly in return for making them awesome. The thing is this card is actually decent at picking off Lotus Cobras, Fauna Shamans, Birds of Paradise and such, but it moves a little too slow for my liking. I like the design a good amount, but with the power level of creatures today I don’t think it’s enough.

Species Transplantation

Let me get my flog out. What the hell is this, Lorwyn? The junkiest of junk rares. Honestly this could cost 1U and still be only mildly playable.

Phyrexian Canceller

Sometimes mono-black gets the hookup, and now is one of those times. This card is a goddamn beast, and unless Oblivion Ring makes a return it’s gonna be causing some serious shenanigans. What I really like is that this card seems so great against Caw Blade, laughing as they block with a bird and sac a land to go with it. Best black four drop ever? Could be.

Karn the Released (Karn the Unleashed?)

Hmm… bored out of my mind here. If this card really works as spoiled then there’s really nothing fun about him. Look at how mundane the abilities are, this looks like card design from a twelve year old. Force a discard, kill a permanent, get all the stuff you discarded/killed and play a new game.

If people are excited for this card I don’t know why. I like Planeswalkers whose abilities I can try to synergize with my deck. Garruk was best friends with Fertile Growth, new Tezzerette and Blinkmoth Nexus like to hug. This guy? Big dumb seven cost that goes in no particular deck I can think of. You’d think the father of artifacts in an artifact block would have something… artifacty to do.

Caged Sun

A colorless Miraris Wake variant, make it cost the same as Mirari’s Wake. I hate these kind of artifacts which don’t care who you are or what color you’re into. Wait… I just realized this card is actually just a one-sided Gauntlet of Power. That card was bad, and this one is as well. Lazy card design here, add a mana cost and word the abilities a bit differently. Don’t know who thought we needed this card all of a sudden.

Puresteel Paladin

The design space on knights is awesome, and it’s great to see the different variants each set works in. A Metalcraft knight seems an obvious fit, and one which gets super bonuses from equipment is super sweet. We needed a real equipment lord and I think this is our guy. A+ design team.

Norn’s Annex
Rare
{PW}{PW}
Artifact
({PW} may be paid for with either  or 2 life.)
Creatures can’t attack you or Planeswalkers you control unless their controller pays P for each attacking creature.

This could be insanely good. Against a non-white opponent that kind of restriction can be backbreaking, meaning they get just ten swings to try and win the game. I worry it may be too powerful, but it’s still very interesting design and I think will definitely get played by some of the more evil control players out there.

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Phyrexian Unlife
Rare

Enchantment
You do not lose the game for having 0 or less life.
While you are at 0 or less life, all sources of damage to you gains Infect.

Let’s try rewording this card.

Lifegain Shield
2{W}
If you would have 0 or less life, instead you have 5 life and Lifegain Shield loses this ability.

I… don’t find either of these very powerful. Interesting design I will say, but since there’s no interesting ways to punish my opponent for having Infect creatures or anything like that, there’s not much you can do with this one.

Surgical Extraction

Cosi’s Trickster didn’t get played, I doubt this will either, not in standard anyway. I assume there’s a vintage format where people are tutoring up cards like crazy, and I do approve of fringe rares like this that fit the needs of kids who can afford Black Lotuses. Is this enough punishment for Fetch Lands to justify inclusion? I can’t really make a call here, though I like what it’s trying to do.

Spellsplitter
Rare

0/4
Artifact Creature
{PU}: Target spell or ability that targets a single creature targets ~ instead.
({PU} may be paid for with either  or 2 life.)

This is an awesome goddamn wall, to the point where it seems almost too good. It seems obvious what this card is trying to do, pay 2 life, redirect lightning bolt to my 0/4, laugh in your face. Obviously if it steps in front of a 1/1 goblin first it won’t work that well, but still… this seems like a brokenly awesome card – a wall which will on its worst day sac to counter a removal spell. Pick up a playset ASAP.

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Screamwhip
Rare

Artifact – Equipment
Living Weapon
Equip {PB}{PB}
({PB} may be paid for with either  or 2 life.)
Equipped creature has +1/+1 for each Swamp you control.

I like equipment with cheap equip costs, so something I can toss around my guys for a black and two life seems awesome. Very flavorful for black, and obviously pushing the mono black love for Phyrexia. If they bring back Tendrils of Corruption in M12 I’m gonna play this card like no one’s business. I typed all that before realizing this card was a living weapon. Goddamn awesome!

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Hex Parasite
Rare

Artifact Creature – Insect(?)
1/1
{PB}: Target a permanent. Remove up to X counters from that permanent. ~ gains +1/+0 until end of turn for each counter removed this way.
({PB} may be paid for with either or 2 life.)

Anything that kills Planeswalkers is a-ok in my book, as facing down a wall of Gideon and Jace and Elspeth seems unreasonable. The problem is that a lot of these walkers have a pretty nutty amount of counters that gets stacked up on them, so we’ll see how useful this is. Living the dream is to be sucking Everflowing Chalices and Tumble Magnets dry while beating with this lover – though on the opposing side of that equation is the occasional Contagion Clasp… tough call, but very good design for sure.

Fresh Meat

Lots of people are talking about this card making an Eldrazi Spawn build something worth trying, and I like that a lot. Any card that gives new life to great cards which should already be getting played are cool with me. I really like the idea of slamming in with my elves and spawn and other little dudes, opponents unable to block for fear of a beast stack coming their way. And of course, anything that punishes wrath is just awesome in my book.

Spawning Shell
Rare
{PG}
Artifact
({PG} may be paid for with either  or 2 life.)
{PG}, T, sacrifice a creature: Search your library for a creature with CMC equal to or less than the sacrificed creature’s plus one. Put that creature into play, then shuffle your library. Play this ability only when you can play a Sorcery.

Let’s look at how fast this card can be. 3 mana and two life I have it on the board. Next turn I can pay one mana and another two life, then sacrifice a creature, then exchange that creature for one with a similar mana cost. I can do this after blocking if I really want to, or in response to removal… Hmm. I don’t like how awkwardly this card reads, though I like the versatility in mana cost. The question is how useful is the effect? It seems like a board of guys who dodge out of the way of things is kind of neat, but… I mean Asceticism makes all my creatures into supermen, isn’t that just better? And that card sucks.

Don’t love this card. Maybe I’m missing something. I guess with savage comes into play triggers it’s also good, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head. Am I supposed to be pitching my Vengevines? Don’t I already have Fauna Shaman for that?

What is this card trying to do!? I guess when it gets broken wide open I’ll know.

Invasion Parasite
Rare
3/2
Creature – Insect
Imprint – When ~ enters the battlefield, exile target land.
Whenever an opponent plays a land with the same name as the exiled card, ~ deals 2 damage to him or her.

I really liked this card when I first read it, but I now feel like Acidic Slime is just better. At 5 mana this guy comes down after most lands have hit the field. Then again, control likes to stock up on their land count… I guess it’s debatable. I like the idea of this guy, just don’t know why it couldn’t be a 3/3 or have haste or something.

Scrapmetal Fiend

Something tells me this card is going to be the new Tarmogoyf and I should preorder fifty of them. I mean… is it really that hard to stock a graveyard with artifacts? Especially in older formats, this guy could be a house – facing down affinity with a stack of Ancient Grudges in his back pocket. I love the simple and clean design, and it’s always fun to see how they try and design the powerful one drops.

To think me and my buddy Jon thought red one drops would never be more powerful than Tattermunge Maniac. Hah!

Well there’s round one of my New Phyrexia spoiler wrapup. I’ll be keeping an out for new cards so as to tell you what my ass thinks of them, but definitely chime in with your comments if you’ve got your own ideas. My overall impression of the set is that I want to play black, and everything else can go screw.

Thanks for reading!